Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Hi! Remember me?



HI FRIENDS,

I'm sorry I stopped blogging. I had a baby girl (as you know) and then for so many reasons blogging went to the bottom of the To Do list.

1) I ran out of time.
2) I felt like I had to do the dishes or clean the floors (Etc) while she slept to keep life in order, always promising myself I'd write after I'd done those things, but by that time she was awake again!
3) I worried about exploiting her.
4) My brain stopped working and I couldn't string two words together let alone form coherent, interesting sentences.
5) Sleep deprivation.
6) I worried I wasn't producing anything new/interesting/original/different.
6) I didn't want to become a cliché.
6) I worried that I couldn't ever write anything that was as good as anything I'd written in the past. So why bother writing anything new at all.
6) I'd worried that I'd forgotten how to count so therefore forgotten how to write.
7) I worried I was boring.
8) I worried that drawing attention to us could possibly lead to negative ramifications. (In the past, I have had some people send me nasty Facebook messages and post Google Maps directions to my house on public forums.)
9) Drawing any kind attention towards an innocent child (and an unsuspecting husband! haha!) seemed like a really big moral dilemma that I still struggle with.
10) Drought. Things kind of suck around here when we're in drought and I didn't/don't know how to write "This sucks" in a way any more interesting than just "This sucks."
11) I haven't returned to doing any paid writing work so felt like I couldn't return to any non-paid writing work.
12) All the clichés about kids and time and sleep and brain function.
13) Busy! Farming! Sheep! Cows! Busy!
14) Health. I've had bouts of being fairly unwell since our baby was born and they've finally been put down to coeliac disease.
15) SO MANY THINGS that I can't even think of right now because: BRAIN BABY TIRED NO WORKY.

But I missed blogging. I REALLY REALLY missed it.
I'm still worried about all those things... but I also want to start documenting our life again, especially these early years for our daughter to look back on. I WISH I had written more down since she was born.

We've lived here for seven years this month. Seven years somehow doesn't sound that long but also feels like forever.

We're still renovating the house. Having lived in it while all the changes have occurred, somehow the house feels like it hasn't changed at all but then when I look back on photos of what it used to be I realise how much work we've actually done to it in seven years. (SEE! There is an example of a terrible sentence. I want to change it but my brain can't work fast enough to bother.) HEAPS. Heaps of work. That's how much.

So I need to start writing it all down again. And posting photos. And worrying less about why I should/shouldn't be doing it.

But first I have to go wash the dishes and clean the floors. Oh shit, guess who just woke up?

Seeya,
Bessie



3 comments:

  1. Enjoy every moment of what ever happens. Wishing you lots of rain because it is amazing what a drop or lots of drops can do.

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  2. I've just been sitting here with baby brain trying to think of a supportive and understanding comment.
    Still waiting for my brain to work .... I guess i will just say 'I hear you and leave itiat that.

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  3. Yay you're back!

    ReplyDelete