Friday, July 27, 2012

21 things I didn’t realise about living out bush, until I lived out bush…

21 things I didn’t realise about living out bush, until I lived out bush…

1. The weather is more than just a mundane conversation topic; it’s a living entity, and also the boss.
2. Mobile phone reception is not a right, it’s a privilege.
3. Chocolate: I know I’ve mentioned this before, and I don’t want to harp on, but as I woman I feel it should be brought to the attention of females around the world that chocolate, a life essential, is not readily available in the middle of no-where. One must purchase chocolate in large supplies before heading out bush, or risk certain death.
4. Mail only comes twice a week, and not at all if it’s raining.
5. Grocery items, plants, alcohol, gas bottles, motorbikes and assorted mechanical parts can all be ordered through the mail and delivered to the mailbox. Mailboxes are generally the size of a 44 gallon drum. Our mail box is 15km from the house.
6. Fuel is bought in the thousands of litres instead of tens of litres… and yes, we have our own fuel bowsers!
7. There’s no such thing as the weekend, or business hours.
8. The world consists of only two types of cars: Toyotas and motorcars.
9. Number 1s and Number2s don’t just disappear into the ether for someone else to deal with once you flush. And if something goes wrong, then sometimes you really are, literally, in the shit.
10. Medical receptionists, accountants and government employees will never understand the inconvenience of driving 300+km for an appointment that is rescheduled or cancelled. Pharmacists and optometrists, on the other hand, will post almost anything to you!
11. Border Collies and Kelpies are actually one quarter human… and can understand (but not speak) English.
12. Reading a book on an afternoon off is not considered a valid use of time. (Nor is having an afternoon off.)
13. A 90 kilometre return trip is not too far to drive to get a roadhouse burger and chips (or a proper espresso coffee) for dinner when you really can’t be bothered cooking.
14. You can never have too much toilet paper. Always have backup for your backup, and backup for that backup.
15. Same with wine. And batteries. And matches. And chocolate.
16. Smoko is the main, most important, and most enjoyable, meal of the day.
17. A Leatherman is a magical implement, kind of like a lightsaber, which can be used to complete any task from digging splinters out of your hand, fixing fences, fixing engines, “disposing” of feral animals and cutting your cake at smoko. In order to retain its special powers, the Leatherman must not be washed between tasks.
18. Fencing, shearing, crutching, spraying and marking are all nouns, not verbs.
19. Plumbers are not always necessary to get a job done right. Electricians are. And they live far away, and charge a per kilometre rate to visit you.
20. There is no garbage truck. Everyone has their own rubbish dumps… so you actually have to load your rubbish into the Toyota, drive it to your dump, and dispose appropriately.
21. 4.30am is actually the morning of a new day, not just the end of a big night.

31 comments:

  1. Love it!!
    You also need a degree in mind reading
    "maybe" means "yes"
    "dunno" means "maybe"
    "no answer" means "no"
    sometimes the UHF radio 'breaking up' is a wish come true!
    Most of the time if I knew where I was I wouldn't be there!!

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  2. Never was there a truer word spoken Bessie. Can relate to every one of these and if only our roadhouse was only 90kms away!!

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  3. that is fantastic Bess!! All of the above is true, no matter what state you live in.

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  4. very true - well done - and its not easier to learn all that when you are born "out here" (as opposed to the city folk who are a long way from "out here" over some magical divide from us in the real world!) And I second Raelene's comment - wish my roadhouse was that close!!!!! 151k is nothing to drive (one way), in the wet, when cigarettes AND chocolate supplies are running low and its still raining!

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  5. Never was a truer word written!!

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  6. Absolutely spot on! Couldn't agree more that smoko IS the most important meal of the day.... if you have smoko you can survive the rest of the day and/or night!

    Just remember there is the "good dump" and the "real dump" and things that you throw out must be sorted accordingly!!

    Cheers

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  7. Wow Bess, great read! It must be really nice living in the bush. Not subscribing to the everyday hussle and bussle of modern life. Yes, sometimes it's more convenient having access to the daily necessities, however, the trade off comes with stress, avoidance, ambivilance and a very insecure anxious society. Is it all really worth it??? Sometimes I really do think it would be in everyone's best interests if we all went back to basics :)

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  8. Possibly my favourite blog ever! Do you mind if I link this (or repost it - total credit given to you) on my own blog? Too funny! xxx Jess xxx

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  9. Wonderful Bess and so true....well written...

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  10. Have you been reading my mind?

    I LOVE these. As everyone said SO TRUE

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  11. I like the bit about the wine.....and the chocolate! xo

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  12. Love it Bess. I have had a similar experience and am still here after 10 years. In that time mobile reception improved, I bought a coffee machine and a Toyota and now consider a Leatherman to be up there with Dr Who's sonic screwdriver..... I wrote a similar post on my blog just over a year ago - will pop back with a link in a sec incase you are interested.

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  13. http://mylifeinthecountrytoday.blogspot.com.au/2011/05/being-farmers-wife-101.html

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  14. I've just plugged you over at my blog - www.bushmumma.blogspot.com PS. How about 22. "Past the eagles nest" and "east of the wombat paddock dam" are real and valid directions. And 23. It's not a real meal without meat.

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    1. Very valid additions ... 24. meat is found out in the paddock ... and when wet and the feezer is empty the closest beast will do.

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  15. Love it and all are so true especially the Leatherman one minute it is cutting (as in castraiting) a beast and the next it is cutting the cake ... gross.
    I have come to the conclusion that a 320+ km round trip is too far to go just for chocolate no matter how desperate especially on rough roads however on the up side someone is always in need of something else so that makes the trip valid. Oh another for the list a trip to town is really a recon mission in disguise, mention going to town and a list mystery items to deliver and collect appears, amazing.

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  16. teehee, I just came over from the farmers wife. Well said!

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  17. Um, what happens to the dump, once you dump everything out there? And what's the difference between a "good and real" dump?? City dweller would love to know.

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    1. Why Brigitte, the good dump is for gear you just may need again. Various pieces of steel, old motors, wire, tyres, stuff we women would be happy to send to the real dump, but men are not. And possibly a good thing I guess, for there are many times we're grateful for that pile of stuff. The real dump on the other hand is for rubbish. We usually dig a hole with the dozer, when it's full we cover it and dig another. Burnable rubbish gets disposed of closer to home.

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    2. oh yes, we have a great pile of good sh*t that can't go the dump, and may be kept for years before being pressed into service. Mostly metal stuff.

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  18. Such a good read thanks Bess. Love it all, the weather being our boss, the Collies being quarter human, the importance of smoko, the inability to entice an electrician to visit. Though most alarmingly my husband now seems to think he can fix most electrical issues as well as plumbing. Is it red to red, or red to blue???

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  19. Just remembered - medical treatment is NOT always an option - never a right - and always at the end of a very long and painful trip!

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  20. Very true and welcome to the blogging world!
    Bushbelles :)

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  21. Hi Bess , so true - saw 2 lovely red kelpies walking down Bourke Street the other evening .Seemed weird in middle of Melb but they were confidently striding it out with their owner and quite at home !rh

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  22. Gorgeous... just found you!!! Sharing this list STAT...
    :-)
    BB

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  23. Love your blog. I live in a small outback village. Living here puts a different light on eating chocolate and maintaining toilet paper supplies - although if desperate they're always available at the roadhouse for double the price.

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  24. Great read Bessie all very true

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  25. I love it - came via the way of Bush Babe - I would have to add that, often when you get to town, you find out in the grocery store who else you are collecting for - and what other shops you need to collect gear from, and for who.

    Oh - and as a kid - Mum drawing around your foot is your part of shoe shopping - and "on appro" is how everyone gets their clothes.

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  26. Bess,
    I LOVE your blog, keep it up PLEASE, I travelled out your way 3 years ago.. and if you have never seen it you just cannot believe how isolated it is...... I love reading about your life and what you get up to!! Take care (no snakes)and get a RFDS kit PLEASE.. If I ever get out your way again I will bring you a supply of chocolate!!keep well, Lou

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  27. Sue O'Connor WalshAugust 9, 2012 at 3:15 AM

    Hi cousin Bessie! I love reading your blog, and your life in Australia, in the "bush" comes to life! I look forward to following your posts and am so disappointed that I will be away on vacation next week when you are visiting Rhode Island! I am tempted to cancel our vacation, but my kids might not be too pleased about that. I hope we can meet again in the near future!

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  28. Makes me realise how lucky we are to farm in UK and not the middle of nowhere in Australia.

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